Earth Ablaze

I’ve been packing for the last two days. I feel so apprehensive. When I wake up in the night, I can’t fall back to sleep because my first thought is “oh my God is it Wednesday?” and my heart starts racing. I’ve been short of breath for the last 30 hours or so. I’m not panting or anything but I haven’t been able to get a nice, satisfying deep breath. The uncertainty of what the next ten months hold is causing me anxiety.
I think the best way to deal with my feelings is to lay out my reasons for joining Americorps:

- to make a positive difference in people’s lives
Here’s a confession: I’m not particularly patriotic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super grateful that I was born in a country where I’ve been able to experience all the rights and opportunities that I have. But I look around and think we still have a lot of work to do. So I’m going to do my part while I’m young and pliable and can still sleep in a twin size bed comfortably. I said something like this to a (very kind) cousin who told me “I’m pretty sure you’ll always be able to fit in a twin size bed.” A real comedian, that one.

- to grow
There’s that adage “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Which seems true. How much can I learn without putting myself into new situations? Without taking a few risks? How much perspective can I gain without exposing myself to new people and their ideas and values?

- to improve my work ethic
This is not one I am proud of: I am not diligent. I am not ambitious. I like to amble through life, distracted by new trains of thought, straying from old goals and generally following whatever inspires me. How to fix this problem? I figure the combination of long days, a strict schedule and working for a good cause should help me be more disciplined. I guess we’ll see how that works out, eh?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to soothe my nerves. I’m in a facebook group for people who are all starting together Feb 8 in Iowa. One girl posted some words of inspiration she found: I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, I’m saying it’s going to be worth it.

As the subtitle subtley suggests, this blog is an account of my experiences, adventures and life lessons as I go out into the world. This is for my friends and family, in case they are curious about what I am up to. This year I am servining Americorps' NCCC program. I will be put into a team who will go to different locales in the Midwest to do service projects.

I was pretty excited about starting a blog, until I got to the first step. There was a blank space to fill in next to the words "Name of Blog". After some unsuccessul brainstorming, I looked up anagrams to my first and last names, first middle and last, and then first and middle. There were A LOT of anagrams. Thousands for each combination of names. I scrolled and scrolled until something caught my eye: earth ablaze his.

The imagery struck me. It reminded me of something St Ignatius said, which is "Go forth and set the world on fire". I went to a Jesuit university (St Ignatius founded the Jesuit order) and three different speakers at my commencement told us to "go forth and set the world on fire". The Jesuits are all about social justice, and the saying basically means "get out there and change the world for the better". Or it means St Ignatius was an arsonist. I'm not Catholic so maybe I missed that lesson.

Since I am spending the beginning of my post-college life lending a hand in communities that want one and trying to improve the lives of others (who live in my ten-state territory), Earth Ablaze seems appporiate. It may sound a bit apocolyptic--which makes me like it more-- or it may sound like a blog about someone who smokes up every day--which sounds like a dull blog-- but it's neither. It's a chronicle of leaving home and growing up (maybe later than most people do) and trying to make a difference in people's lives.

So let's go.

In a month. Cause I don't leave for another month.